A SMALL OUTBURST
by edwartforever
Summary: It takes place during spirit bound. But this time Rose will not accept so easily the rejection from Dimitri. She will burst her anger outside the church, she will almost lose her mind and as a result she will leave from the court. And then what will Dimitri do? Will he search for her or she didn't mean anything to him after all ? And Rose where will she go and what she will do?
1. Chapter 1

**ROSE AND DIMITRI**

**This story takes place during spirit bound. It starts the moment when Rose Hathaway's world turns upside down, when Dimitri tells her that he doesn't love her anymore, but this time the story will continue otherwise. What if Rose couldn't accept that fact and she would make a huge scene outside the church?**

**Disclaimer; I do not own vampire academy. Richelle Mead is the lucky one.**

A small outburst (If we can say it small)

"I have given up on you", he said back, voice also soft. "Love fades, Mine has."

I stared at him in disbelief. All this time, he'd never phrased it like that. His protests had always been about some greater good, about the remorse he felt over being or how it had scarred him from the love.

_I've given up on you. Love fades. Mine has. _But mine hasn't . Never will.

"But…but Dimitri, how…how can you tell that. I thought that… I can't…" I backed up, the sting of those words hitting me as hard as if he'd slapped me. Something shifted in his features, like he knew how much he'd hurt me. I didn't stick around to see. Instead, I pushed my way out of the aisle and ran out the doors in the back, afraid that if I stayed any longer, everyone in the church would see me cry.

And yet again the awful running lessons with Dim- _him_, unfortunately had been useful. I couldn't speak his name and neither could I think of him. As fast as I could manage,I left the church so that I wouldn't risk making a scene out of it all. The only thing I would accomplish by doing that would be to make everyone in there believe that he was still a strigoi and I did not want that. I wanted him to be happy because I love him and he… didn't. Great!

I ran into the forest. I wanted to burst my anger, to let out all the tears instead of holding them inside like I always did. And that was exactly what I did. I imagined that one of the trees was the blond strigoi who bited Dimitri and I punched and kicked it with all the strength I had. At the same time I was swearing over the whole damn situation.

After a while I finally stopped, realizing that I was doing more damage to myself then to the tree right now. I couldn't sit still but had to get out the rage and pain inside me so instead of punishing the poor tree I started kicking the ground and throwing rocks instead. If anyone saw me right now, they'd think I was insane. Maybe I was. For a Russian god.

"What the hell'' I said when someone touched my arm.

"Calm down Rose, it's me, Lissa.'' Lissa said gently. I didn't want her here. I didn't want anyone here. Except for, of course, one person. But that person under different circumstances, which right now weren't possibly to be, if you take in mind what he told me before ten minutes ago.

''Rose what's wrong? Why did you leave like that from the church and what are you doing out here?" When she finished her small lecture I turned around to look at her, but obviously she didn't expect to see me like this: full of anger and …tears.

''Rose, why are you crying , what happened?'' She asked, even more gently than before. If that was even possible. Through the bond I felt that she was worried about me and I wanted to comfort her and tell her that everything was fine but I could not hold my anger. Not anymore. Not at that moment. Not when he had just told me that…

"What's wrong? What's wrong! Are you really asking me what's wrong? _You _of all people, Lissa, my best friend, you're asking me what's wrong?" I yelled out loud barely without a pause. I had to take a deep breath to not do something harsh that I was going to regret later on.

"I trusted you, you know. I thought that maybe at least you cared for me, that you understood me but you… You just…" I couldn't stop screaming at her. I wanted to tell her how hurt I'd been feeling all this time because Dimitri had refused to see me but practically begged for her to come see him. I'd wished that Lissa would've tried a little harder to convince him that he should see be but she hadn't and for that I was heartbroken in more than one way.

''Rose, I really do not know what's wrong.'' She said sadly. She was getting in my nerves.

"Yes, you do know Lissa," I breathed. "That's the worst part of it all: that you knew!" I couldn't calm down by now. I was beyond outraged and Lissa just happened to be in my way when I was trying to tear down the world and now I was taking my rage out over Lissa.

"And you didn't do anything to help me. I told you that I loved him, that he meant everything to me and that I couldn't live without him - that I can't live without him. You did nothing…" The last part came out as a whisper. The darkness was overpowering me, my heart, my body and my mind.

"Rose, calm down!" Lissa screamed back at me and all over again the darkness bubbled up inside of me.

"No I won't calm down because you knew! You even told me to stay away from him, to give _him_ the chance to let everything sink in but what about me? Do you even know yourself why you kept me away from him?" I paused and was met by her overwhelming feelings. Sadness, hurt and confusion were all mixed.

"Then let me tell you." I said and she frowned. "Because you thought that I would hurt him. Because you didn't believe that I could truly love him. You thought that it was just a small crush and that it wasn't true love. It was a crush, a foolish and tiny crush that would soon pass!" I laughed like I was mad and maybe I was. I was starting to lose my mind because of the darkness. I was becoming shadow kissed Anna… All the darkness that my soul was holding was now free.

"Rose." She said gently but I interrupted her.

"Now everything is over, it's all over... He doesn't love me anymore." I whispered and I was surprised that she understood what I said. Νow my whole body was trembling from the truth of my own words.

"No Rose, he loves you, but he needs time to find his old self again." She told me gently, touching my hand and when she saw that I didn't interrupt her she continued, "He loves you, and besides if he didn't, he would have said that he doesn't. He wouldn't have let you all this time to press him to admit his love for you, he would have stopped you." She tried to smile unsuccessfully.

The trembling in my body was getting stronger, so strong that I had started to lose my senses a little. "That's exactly what I meant Liss." I saint gently with a voice full of pain. "He told me that he didn't love me any longer!" I screamed and then I saw a lot of guardians to coming closer to us, very close. Probably they heard our screams and they wanted to see what was going on. Honestly, I didn't care and I continued while avoiding looking at Lissa. I didn't want to see her expression.

Ι picked up a rock and threw it with all my strength in the direction that the guardians were coming and I whispered so quietly that only I could hear it, repeating Dimitri's words again,

"'_I've given up on you. Love fades. Mine has.'"_

And with that phrase, I fell down on my knees crying and trembling and then the darkness overpowered me completely, drained me on all the sanity that I had left and I passed out, but not before I saw a dark figure running towards me screaming something.

**So guys, how it was it, did you like it? It's my first fanfiction so I would like to know what do you think, so please review. Especially if you want me to update because if I do not get the proper responses, I will think that you do not like it, so there will not be a reason to continue writing the story. It is not necessary to review, just follow or add to favourite if you cannot review but remember that reviews make me happy.**

**Until next time,**

**xoxo,**

**edwart forever**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the long waiting. I will try to update sooner the next time. **

**I would like to thanks my beta TrueYouth who without her you couldn't read my story.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy, even I want to.**

I woke up in a light, white room at the hospital - again. I wasn't surprised or frightened to wake up in a place like that, besides I had gotten used to it. I had been injured so many times by now in some kind of weird accident, it had almost become like a daily routine. But this time I didn't remember to have injured at all and neither was I hurting somewhere …

"Oh my god." I whispered. Everything was clean now. Dimitri saying that he didn't love me. Me screaming at Lissa. Me breaking down from the power of the darkness. Someone running towards me, screaming something. Oh my god, I had to leave from here. Now.

I didn't want to see anyone. I couldn't see anyone, I corrected myself. Everyone would be looking at me like I was crazy and the worst part was that maybe I was.

Lissa of course, would always be there for me, she would always be. But I would only cause her more problems. She would never gain the proper respect she deserved from the other royal families because of her insane guardian and they would never let her to participate in the council because she would always fight with them to save my sorry ass. And the worst of all was that, she would never be able to have a normal life with Christian because she would be an outsider. And all this because of me. That's why I had leave. I would go somewhere where no one could ever find me .

And as for Dimitri… I swear that in any other situation I would have tried to continue and move on with my life and have a friendly - as friendly as it could get - relationship with him. But now I couldn't, I didn't have the strength to be near him and pretend that I didn't love him. Because I did. I loved him with my whole heart. So I would leave, to let him have a normal, happy life without feeling any guilt for not loving me back and be the reason that I turned crazy. Because really, it wasn't his fault - it was just my own.

That's why I decided to write a letter to Lissa explaining to her what I was going to do from now on, at least most of the basics. I would do it so that she would not have to worry and start looking for me. She would respect my choice to leave from everyone and everything. From him.

Also in advantage, she would cover my escaping plan and she would help me not to get caught by the other guardians. This she would do by distracting them with fake information. Only she would know where I would be. No one else.

And now, when I had finished the letter it was time to find a way to get out of here without anyone noticing me, either from the inside nor from the outside.

And thát was when I noticed it for the first time. It wasn't morning, it was night, morning for 's why no one had visited me yet to see if I was okay - because they were sleeping and that meant that there weren't other people in the Court awake - except for some guardians, of course. Great. Now it was easier for me to escape without being spotted than it would've been if it was morning.

But that also meant that I was unconscious for more than a few hours. It could've been days even. A white paper on the wall proved me that I was right. I was unconscious for five days. five whole daysFor . Oh my goodness. Everybody would be so worried about me. Would he also be worried or would he just…?

No, Rose, don't think about those things, you just need to escape, I chastised myself. And that was when the ultimate idea came to me. The window in the bathroom. How did I forget the window? I went quickly to the bathroom and opened the window. Thank god it was unlocked. I had the lucky in my side - this far. Maybe now I would start to believe in God. Or… maybe not.

The window was very high from the ground and a normal person wouldn't attempt to jump from this high. But I wasn't a normal person. I was a crazy person with serious psychological problems, like Christian would've said.

I laughed bitterly at the thought that,one day, I might go crazy, like Ms Karp; from the power of spirit. And maybe, I had already started to go crazy. That was why I was trying to escape from one of the safest places in the world. The Court. Anyway, what was done was done. Lissa would be okay at least. _They come first._

I checked the site for any guardians. Great! There weren't any. Where was the high safety that we - supposedly - had? No, that I would complain about - if I ever got the chance that'll say. That there weren't any guardians out here right now was very convenient for me, but what if I was a Strigoi or if somehow Strigoi would've gotten in? Anyway, I should trust them, besides, up until now everything was fine.

I closed my eyes and I jumped. Thankfully, I landed on my two legs. All that hard training wasn't for nothing, after all. With all my strength I ran direct to my room's window, careful not to bump into someone. I climbed along the wall, up to my room and I opened the window. I was used to leave the window open for this kind of situations. You never knew what would happen in the future.

And what I saw when I got into my room was indescribable. My room was a mess. Well, it was never very tidy but this time the whole thing was out of control. The bed was covered by thousands objects. The same as the floor. Clothes, books - the few ones I had -, photos and a lot of other small things lying on them. The closets and the wardrobes were wide open and they were also in a mess.

Someone had been here because I didn't remember leaving my room like this. And I knew very well who might have been. Lissa. She must have wanted to find something of mine. That way she would feel that I was with her, like I had always been throughout her whole life. She used to do this kind of thing when someone she loved was in danger, or this person was gone. One example was when her parents had died. But I wasn't going to die, just leave. Wasn't that better?

I walked over to the wardrobe and got two big hand-bags and then I filled them with clothes, money, credit cards and my most important personal objects. I quickly changed clothes and I wore a blond, short wig from last Halloween. The wig reached me to my shoulders. To expand my "costume" I wore a pair of black sunglasses to not get recognized by the other guardians, just in case I accidentally ran into someone. I let the letter I had wrote to Lissa slip inside the latest book that she'd given to me. This to make sure that she and only she would found it. And now I was ready to leave. But I still had the feeling that I had forgotten something very important behind. Unfortunately I didn't have the time to find what was it.

Though the fate had other plans because as I was heading to the window I saw what I had forgotten. The most important things for me in the world. The photos I had of Lissa and Dimitri. It was just two photos but to me, they were everything. Especially now I needed them.

The first one was of me and Lissa after the graduation. It was the latest photo we had taken. In this picture Lissa and I were hugging and laughing uncontrollably. It wasn't a very good time then for then because of what had happened a couple weeks ago in Siberia. But that night I had a good time. I had almost had a very good time even. Because the pain from losing him could never and would never go away. It would stick around forever.

The second one was only with Dimitri. It was the only picture I had from him. He didn't like photos at all. I had tried unsuccessfully many times to take him a picture but he constantly refused it. It needed a very-well organized plan to get him this photo. I remembered it like it was yesterday.

…..FLASHBACK…

Today I had woken up very early. I wanted to go in my lesson with Dimitri at time for the first time. And believe me; there was a good reason. I wouldn't lose my precious sleep for nothing.

Yesterday, at our evening session with Dimitri, I had tried to take a picture of him but he didn't let me. He refused every single time I asked him, even when I knelt and started begging him. Really, how cruel that man could be.

Anyway, I wouldn't give it up so easily. Besides, I am Rose Hathaway and I wouldn't let him to believe that he could win so effortlessly. Not without a fight. That's why I decided not to leave from the gym this morning without his photo.

Oh my god. It was seven o'clock. How did I manage to get late to my session with Dimitri every damn time. I got my bag and I started running toward the gym. When I arrived outside, I took a deep breath and I got inside with a satanic look in my face, knowing that the camera was in my pocket.

Dimitri, as usual, was already there and he was reading a western novel. If he only knew what was waiting him, I thought a little evilly.

''Hello Comrade, how are you doing today?'' I said as innocent as I could manage. But something must have given me away because when he left his book to greet me his expression changed. From calm to confused and then to amused.

"Oh Rose, I know that look. What are you preparing, today ha?" he said laughing, obviously amused and a little curious.

"What are you saying Dimitri?" I looked him supposedly hurt "That I am preparing something bad? Me? How can you say that!" I said angrily.

"No, no, of course not Roza." He said laughing. "Not something bad, just a little…" he pretended that he was thinking "…satanic"

"Mmm, how cute Dimitri." I said sarcastically. "And for the record, I am innocent you know, except if you count the fact that I put a cockroach into Christian's bag. But that isn't your business, so…."

"I'm sorry Rose but that things don't get on me. So spit everything out. Now." He said now more serious.

"That Dimitri, really hurt my feelings!" I said while I was pretending that I was sweeping a tear from my eye "And I really would love to tell you but I have nothing to tell you." I said dramatically.

"Ah Rose." He said as he stood up from his chair and walked across the room. This was the ideal moment. "Come on, give me your bag. If you don't have nothing to hide of course." He said mockingly.

And I instead, took out the camera from my pocket and I quickly snapped a photo of him. I didn't wait to see his reaction. I started running to get as far as I could from him to hide my precious camera. I had almost gotten out from the gym and I had touched the precious black door when he caught me. I tried to escape from him but he was holding me very tight.

"Let me go!" I screamed. But he only held me tighter. I bited his hands and kicked him but he didn't back off. It was as if he didn't feel anything at all. "Let me go!" I screamed again.

"Calm down Rosa." he murmured in my ear. "I will let you go, just give me your camera." he whispered in my ear making me shiver.

"No, I won't." I said gently. "I had to go through some seriously big trouble to get that photo." I said with all the strength I had, if you take in mind that I was in Dimitri's arms. His body pressed against my own.

Then he turned me around to face him and pinned me against the wall. I shivered. Again. My lips were only inches away from his. I knew that I shouldn't have these thoughts, but I couldn't help it. He was so damn sexy.

"Roza, why do you want that photo so much?" He whispered in my ear as he was stroking my hair automatically.

"Because…" I said trembling as tears were running from my eyes. "It's the only way I can always have you with me. And you know exactly what I mean by that." I said, surprising even myself. I hadn't realized that I wanted that picture so badly. Then he raised my chin, so I could face him and swept a tear from my eye.

"Roza" he said looking straight into my eyes and unexpectedly, he kissed me.

His mouth came down on mine. And that was all the self-control I had exerted over the past months went like water crashing through a broken dam. In the beginning the kiss was gentle and sweet but then it became more angry and passionate.

When it was absolutely necessary to stop so that we could both catch our breath, he pulled away and kissed my forehead.

"Roza, I will always love you." He said gently and went toward his chair where he had his bag. But not before I told him something that I shouldn't have told him and that I would probably regret later.

"I love you too, Dimitri. I will always love you." I whispered stroking his hair.

When he reached his chair, he got took something out from his bag - something small. I couldn't see from where I stood, what exactly it was but then he approached me and showed me a picture of him.

"What's that?" I asked gently, trying to retrieve my control again. He has a big smile on his face but his eyes were sad.

"Rose that's a picture of me, a good picture of me." He grinned. "So I will always be with you ok? And in addition, now you can get rid of that awful photo you took of me where I am like I am seeing a ghost and save the humanity from that horror, ok?"

"Yes, Dimitri." I said laughing and I took the picture from him while he was deleting the photo I took him from my camera. When he finished he kissed me on the cheek and started leaving from the gym.

"And Dimitri," I called after him and he turned around so he could see me."The picture wasn't so bad you know. Although it could be a very good exhibit for the museum of terror in Pennsylvania."I said laughing.

"Good morning Rose." he said grinning and left from the room.

…FLASHBACK…

From the memory of that incident, my face was covered with tears and my eyes were swollen and red. I couldn't understand how something so pure and authentic, our love, could have ended. Because it couldn't, it didn't make sense. It was so strong, so sweet that we have. "It didn't deserve that end, it didn't'' I murmured and I kicked the wall. But fortunately I stopped in that kick.

I swept my eyes, and I took a deep breath. It was time for me to accept that fact and move on. Because he would. But that didn't mean necessarily, that I would forget him, that I would stop loving him. Because I couldn't. Not now, not ever.

Then I kissed his photo and I put them carefully in my bag , knowing that from now on that would be the only way I could see him, touch him and kiss him. And with that thought I jumped from the window, wishing that, everything was just a dream.

But unfortunately it wasn't. It was my life.

**So do you like it until now? I promise that after chapter 4 it will be more interesting. I would love to hear your opinions about what will happen next.**

**Don't forget to review because it is the way to know that you still like my story so I will continue writing it.**

**Xoxo,**

**edwartforever**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry again for the long waiting but you all know how school is it….. But as Christmas is, finally, here I hope to update sooner than last time, but it isn't only up to me as I have a beta, a very good one, who did again a great work. I hope you enjoy reading the chapter as much I did writing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy, Richelle Mead is the lucky one.**

Fortunately, I reached the gates without any problem. Like, when I went from the hospital in my room, any guardian was in my way. This time that was absolutely necessary because the only thing I was thinking, as I was running, was that I would never see again that smile. His full smile, that he rarely gave me. Only when he was in a very good mood. When he was letting himself leave his usual guardian nature and steal some romantic moments between the two of us. Roza and Dimitri.

But I would never see him. Neither his smile, nor his serious, brown eyes again. My last memory would be him telling me that he didn't love me anymore. That I was nothing for him anymore. And that was so unfair. It shouldn't have ended like this. It shouldn't.

That's why I was thankful that there weren't any guardians on the field. Because I wouldn't know what to do with my eyes full of tears and my mind stuck at the thought of Dimitri's beautiful face.

But the reality woke me up when I saw the number of the guardians who had gathered outside the gates. All the guardians that should be inside the gates were instead outside. What the hell were are they doing there? And the worst was that among them was a Moroi. A moroi that I knew very well. Christian.

So I had to find, with all costs, what was happening there. That's why I was forced to violate my rules and eavesdrop. As much as I hated when the other was doing it I didn't really have a problem to do that. Not at least when it was "kind of" my business. And I had a feeling that this was absolutely my business.

"Mike, did you hear anything about Hathaway's recovery?'' a very tall guardian, about my age said.

"Yes, she is still in the same situation. She hasn't woken up yet. That's why they called the best team of doctors to see what's wrong with her. And dude, believe me I was there when she broke down and it was very creepy. You should have seen Belikov's face." the other guardian said looking terrified.

"Yeah you're right. They should have called them sooner, not to wait until now. And about Guardian Belikov, I have never seen him like this before. So human." the other said.

I now had understood that they probably were waiting for the arrival of the doctors. My doctors. But what did he mean when he said Guardian Belikov? Was Dimitri a guardian again? And how did he act when I broke down? Had he been worried about me? No it just didn't make any sense.

My thoughts were interrupted when two black cars arrived. Four women and two men got out and the guardians helped them with their luggage and lead them inside the Court.

So now, I was the only one in the parking lot. During the time I was hiding from the guardians beside a tree I had aimed at a grey plain car - I think it was a Honda - to be my escaping car and get me as far away from Dimitri as possible.

That's why I got out from my genius hiding place - there weren't many options - and made my way to steal my "escape-plan". But as I had come across half the parking lot, Christian appeared. And before I could hide, the little bastard saw me.

"Excuse me miss, are you lost?" he asked a little mockingly while he was approaching me.

"No, sir." I said trying to change my voice and not to look direct his eyes, so he wouldn't recognized me.

"Then what are you doing here? Aren't you a doctor for Ms Hathaway?" he asked now more serious looking like he was thinking something. Which that was a very bad sign. Especially for Christian. He could always figure out that something was wrong, like when we came back to St. Vladimir.

"No, Mr. Ozera. I am the driver of the doctors. I am waiting for them to finish their job like they said to me." I said as convincingly as I could. Again without looking into his blue eyes.

"Okay then. I will let you do your work, beautiful." he winked. Oh my god, how did he dare to flirt with me when he was having a serious, very serious relationship with my best friend. Of course he didn't know that it was me but…. Or maybe he knew that I was me and he was flirting with me to make sure that I was Rose. Anyway we would never know that because, like always, I acted before I thought what I was going to do.

"What are you doing psychopath bastard? How dare to flirt with me when you are with me bes.." I hissed to him but he interrupted me when I tried to punched him.

"No, Rose. I'm not flirting with you. Geese. I won't never hurt Lissa like this. I just wanted to make sure that was you." he said and I gave him a look mixed with surprised and anger

"And how did you understand that is me oh, you genius? If I of course may I ask?" I said mockingly. One good thing about Christian was that always could help me found my arrogant self as awful as I was.

"From your bracelet" he said pointing my left hand.

"What?" I asked but I knew what he was meaning very well.

"Lissa gave you that. I helped her pick it." he said bored. "And now it's my turn to asked questions. And believe me, I have a lot." he said, grinning and when he saw my pissed expression he added, "But of course, if you want me to call the guardians and tell them that-"

"Come on fire boy, move on." I said impatiently. I had to leave and make sure that he wouldn't give me away.

"Rose, look. We may not seem to have the best relationship but I care about you." he said very serious. I hadn't seen him talk like this before, except to Lissa perhaps. He continued his lecture ignoring that I rolled my eyes.

"If I'm not wrong - and believe me, I'm not - you were trying to escape. And I'm going to ask you one thing Rose; why? You didn't think at all how will Lissa be if you leave. And what about Belikov or your other friends, hm?. They will all be so worried knowing that you are alone outside in this state" he started telling me but I interrupted him. He couldn't talk to me about these things. He didn't know anything about me, after all.

"Christian shut up, okay. You don't understand what I am going through right now." I yelled him but in a kind of gentle way. The last thing I needed to do right night was to draw attention to us.

"Yes Rose, I understand. But you think only of yourself. Lissa will…" he started but I didn't let him finish.

"Lissa will be fine. She is fine but I'm not. I need time to get away from him, from everything. Lissa will understand my decision and she will respect it. I have left her a letter." I said angrily.

"Okay let's say that Lissa will be fine. But what about him? All these days you were off he was so blank, so cold…. How will you leave him?" he asked.

"Adrian will be fine. Besides we are over. We have broken up peacefully, we are just friends now." I said impatiently. He was making fake excuses.

"I don't mean Adrian, Rose." he said suddenly very tired. "I mean Dimitri." I gasped as he spoke his words. Could Dimitri really worry about me. No, it was just hopeless to have faith that he still loved me.

"No, Christian. That isn't possible. You are lying because you want me to stay because of Lissa. He doesn't care about me". I murmured.

"Rose, he lo-" he started to say but I interrupted him - again. I couldn't hear that word again.

"Damn it Christian. Don't say that word again, okay? You, weren't there when he said that he doesn't love me, to see that he was meaning it with all his soul." I said with voice full of venom.

"No Rose" he answered back. "You, weren't there to see him how he was all this days." I tried to interrupt him but he ignored me and continued with a more powerful tone of voice.

"You weren't standing right next to him when you broke down, to see how his world turned upside down, you…"

"How was it?" I asked very gently, feeling the tears ready to escape from my eyes. And this time he paid attention to me and looked me straight to me eyes.

"How was he when I passed out?" I asked again seeing his confused expression and he answered me right away with his eyes full of sadness and sorrow. But for who? For me or Dimitri?

"The divine service had just finished and I had gone out to search for Lissa who had left a couple of minutes earlier in order to find you because she'd seen you fight with Dimitri and she wanted to make sure that you weren't about to do something stupid. But when I couldn't find you I looked for Dimitri and asked him if he had seen Lissa. I didn't tell him about you because I thought that I would pissed him off with the reference of your name. But he instead told me that Lissa would probably be with you because you weren't in a very good emotional state right now. When I was going to ask him what had happened between you two inside the church, we heard a voice screaming. It was horrible. All the people who were in the yard of the church searched for the source of the scream. A guardian saw you first and point the place you were fighting with Liss. And then you screamed again. More powerful, more lifeless. Dimitri's expression changed. It became terrified, painful and guilty. He became paler than a ghost. He was was just looking at you while you were losing control, motionless, incapable of doing anything. He was incapable of doing anything to save you. Only when you threw that rock, he seemed to find his mind again and started running towards you, screaming your name. But he didn't reach you in time. You had already lost your senses. But you kept trembling and screaming, like the darkness wanted to take all your life from your body until it left you a lifeless creature. You finally stopped after a couple of minutes but during that short amount of time… I don't know, Belikov seemed so helpless. He was screaming for help and he was trying to wake you up but you were already lost in the darkness and it didn't seem to exist a way back from that state. I would swear that he was crying if I didn't know him so well. The follwing days he didn't leave your side in the hospital, only for his guardians duties. You see, he was Lissa's guardian until you would be okay again. Everyday, he's been so cold and emotionless. He doesn't really live. He just survive. He needs you."

And with those words, Christian finished his narration of my missing piece. When he was done he looked me like he was waiting me to change my decision. But he was wrong. Maybe Dimitri cared about me but he didn't love me. If he truly loved me, he would never have said those words to me.

_I've given up on you. Love fades, mine has… _The words still haunted me and made it feel like a fist was clenching my heart, trying to make it explode, making me fall into a billion little pieces.

That's why I felt that it was now more important than ever to leave court. I had to give Dimitri an opportunity to have a happy life without pain and guilt.

"No, Christian." I murmured with my voice unrecognizable from the crying and the trembling. He looked surprised and I felt like I had to give him an explanation."I'm leaving because that will be the best for everyone. Not only for me. Think about that. I will only hold you back with my unsolved problems. I won't let you have the life you deserve. Maybe I can't save my life, not anymore but you guys have a second chance away from troubles and the danger lurking behind every corner."

"But Rose, that's what I don't get... Why are you unable start over? Make a new start away from the problems of your past, move on and forget." Christian said to me a little angry.

"Because Christian I don't want to make a new life. I want to have the life where he exists and he is with me" I said powerfully.

"Yes, Rose of course you do but if you leave, he won't be with you. He will be here and you'll be somewhere else. So it will be the same as if you stay. Only, you'll cause other people who cares about you even more pain and grief over losing you." he said gently

"No Christian it won't be the same. If I stay, I will have to forget him and I can't do it. I don't want to do it. If I stay, I'll have to remember and I have to look at him every single day, feeling sad because I can't kiss him or even call him 'Comrade'- So if I leave I will be able to keep my memories, as painful as they are, without holding anyone back. I can remember without him seeing me losing my mind. That's why I want you to let me leave, so I can pretend that I have a normal life. So please." I said having the control of my body and mind again.

"Look Rose, I understand what you are saying and if I were you, I would want to do the same thing." he grinned. "But you know I can't let you leave like this. If Lissa finds out that I left you to leave without trying to prevent you, she will kill me so…"

"So what fire boy." I said finding my old self, grinning wickedly at him.

"You have ten minutes before I called the guardians, psychopath. Here are the keys for the Honda." he gave me the keys smiling sardonically.

"Thanks Christian and remember," I said as I was making my way toward the car. "If you ever hurt my best friend I will find you and I will kill you slowly and painfully."

"Yeah, I know that very well by now, I've heard it a couple of times." he murmured. He had almost gone inside the Court when he turned around to say his last goodbyes.

"And Rose," he said. "I hope you don't regret your decision and… as crazy as it sounds I really think that I will miss your cold jokes." he said smiling. But not sarcastically, a real smile.

"Goodbye fire boy, and I will miss your awful jokes too." I screamed and I wished he was right and I was taking the right decision.

The last thing I saw before I got too far away from the Court was a dozen of guardians running out from the gates. But Dimitri wasn't among them and with that thought I increased the speed, afraid that I would turn around because I wanted to ask me if he'd been lying to me.

Because as afraid as I was to admit it, the person who was screaming my name when I passed out, seemed to love me, really love me.

But _love fades. Mine has. _What if he had lied to me, like with Victor Daskov's spell?

Had I after all taken the wrong decision?

**So, yeah… Rose is leaving for real. **

**I would love to hear your comments about the chapter and any questions you may have. Also, would you like to read a part of the next chapter from Dimitri's point of view?**

**Until next time,**

**xoxo,**

**edwartforever**


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